Tag Archives: help

Just remember..

  • You are beautiful with or without makeup
  • Keep smiling and keep your head up
  • Things will eventually pass in time, you just have to be patient
  • If you can, forgive and forget. If you can’t forget and forgive later
  • You are always loved
  • There is always someone to talk to, whether it’s someone you’ve known for years or someone you’ve just meet. It could even be someone you’ve never meet, there are 7.442 billion people in the world, someone will listen to you
  • Sharing is caring
  • Do what you want and what will make you happy, not what someone else wants and will make them happy. Your happiness matters too
  • You’re allowed to have a bad day
  • You don’t have to wear make up if you don’t want to. You can wear make up if you want to. either way, you’re beautiful
  • It’s never too late to go back to school or learn something new
  • It’s never too late to make something right again
  • Nothing is worth the cost of your happiness
  • It’s never too late to change yourself, but only do so for your health and happiness
  • No matter your size, race, height, age, or anything else, you’re still beautiful
  • There might be 7.442 billion people in the world, but you still matter
  • Don’t listen to people’s negative comments, in a few years you won’t even remember their last name
  • Words do hurt, but eventually they heal
  • People are always willing to help you, either people you know or someone on the street, somewhere out there someone does care about you
  • Nothing is ever so bad that you need to end your life, you have something and/or someone to live for even if you don’t know it yet or you can’t see it
  • People come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones you need to keep
  • If you need anyone to talk to I’m always here for you.

Friday Night Cutting

She started cutting that Friday night.

She could have asked for help,

She was talking to someone on Facebook,

But she decided not to ask.

She told him she was tired,

She had an energy burning day.

She said goodnight, and signed off.

But she should have stayed online.

She went up to her bedroom.

She changed into her comfy clothes.

She climbed into bed, sat there.

But she wasn’t alone in bed.

She brought an old beautiful friend.

She laid it down on her.

She pushed it into her skin.

But with a singular quick movement,

She was bleeding again, something forgotten.

She hasn’t done this so long.

She wanted to desperately remember again.

But her skin didn’t want to.

She couldn’t stop the red tears.

She couldn’t stop the radiating warmth.

She couldn’t stop the red diamonds.

But it eventually stopped. For now.

Suicide

March 27th, 2014. Teenage suicide attempt.

She swallowed 82 Ibuprofen with water.

Along with phenazopyridine, an old subscription.

With the pain she was experiencing

It seemed to call for medication.

Medication will hopefully numb the pain.

It is her final, last resort.

 

Slowly feeling her stomach start disintegrating.

As her stomach lining started thinning

She was waiting for the end.

 

Getting dizzy unable to walk properly.

Walking around almost as if drunk.

Her mind unable to focus straight.

 

She was unable to wait anymore.

She finally told him about everything.

He brought her to get help.

They called an ambulance for her.

They asked questions she couldn’t answer.

She was close to falling asleep.

Fighting the darkness and the unconsciousness.

Laying on a gurney leaving school.

On her way to the hospital.

The paramedic looking for her veins.

Unable to find them do to

Ibuprofen thins blood making it difficult.

Paramedic kept missing the thin veins.

Finally was able to find one.

 

Laying on the gurney inside waiting.

Falling in and out of unconsciousness.

Waiting for the doctor and nurse.

 

Her lips becoming blue and purple.

But her body overheating within seconds.

Sweating through clothing and gurney sheets.

 

Her hearing slowly started to disappear.

She was unable to hear anyone

She couldn’t even hear herself speak.

The Stars

She has nobody during the day.

She lays in bed each night.

After long days she’s weak, tired.

All she has to do is,

Look outside her cold bedroom window.

 

And look up at the stars.

The stars she can count on.

They’ll always be in the sky.

Even if they’re hiding behind clouds.

She trusts them enough to know.

Know they are listening to her.

 

Listening to her cries, whispers, wishes.

They shine upon her, giving strength.

Strength to shine bright another day.

They twinkle down, giving her hope.

Hope she’ll find someone, one day.

 

The stars are her strength, hope.

Without her stars how could she?

How could she be alone again.

Without her stars how will she?

How will she build strength again.

Strength to carry loneliness alongside herself.

 

The loneliness that nobody else wants.

They leave her alone, baring it.

Burning her strength carrying loneliness along.

Walking swiftly looking down at phones.

Pretending to look busy, avoiding her.

Leaving her more alone than ever.

 

Making the loneliness seep out hope.

Her hope escaping like caged butterflies.

Flying away, high in the daylight.

Leaving her weak and unhopeful again.

 

But, with the stars shining, twinkling.

She can gain the strength again.

Collect her hope in her hands.

So once again she’ll endure days.

Because during the day, there’s nobody.

Skinny

How many pounds? How many inches?

How many calories? How many fats?

How many candies? How many veggies?

How many?.. How many?.. How many..?

 

The questions go through her head.

In the morning, afternoon, and night.

She’s always thinking about not eating.

If she eats, that’s another calorie.

 

That’s another gram of body fat.

Another outfit she can’t fit into.

Another outfit she has destroyed again.

That’s another number on the scale.

 

Her notebook is filled with thinspirations.

Skinny girls, skinny foods, skinny tips.

Notes about getting small and skinny.

 

Learning how to eat or not.

What to eat to burn calories.

What to do instead of eating.

What to do to burn calories.

 

Things to do instead of eating.

Drawing, writing, painting, reading, or coloring.

Napping, bathing, doing hair, painting nails.

Walking, running, doing yoga, or fitness.

Not eating is easier than tracking.

Tracking is hard, tiring, and consuming.

Not eating is easier than fitness.

Tracking is hard, boring, and draining.

 

If she gets through a day,

One, single, empty day without eating,

It’s considered a good successful day.

 

To be skinny she has to

Skip a meal, avoid all foods.

To be skinny she has to

Do something other than eating foods.

 

To be skinny she has to

Drink zero calorie, zero sugar tea.

To be skinny she has to

Pretend to not be starving inside.

 

To be skinny means she’s pretty.

To be skinny means she’s confident.

To be skinny means she’s strong.

To be skinny means she’s brave.

 

How many pounds until she’s perfect?

How many calories does to burn?

How many more candies to avoid?

How many?.. How many?.. How many?..

Broken Glass

Middle​ ​school​ ​girl​ ​with​ ​broken​ ​glass.

Glass​ ​she​ ​found​ ​behind​ ​her​ ​school,

Along​ ​the​ ​ground​ ​mixed​ ​in​ ​rocks.

Unclean,​ ​broken,​ ​shards​ ​of​ ​glass.

Raggedy,​ ​broken,​ ​torn​ ​fresh​ ​skin.

She​ ​didn’t​ ​know​ ​what​ ​she’s​ ​doing.

Willingly​ ​following​ ​a​ ​friend’s​ ​steps​ ​forward,

Forward​ ​into​ ​a​ ​deep​ ​dark​ ​hole.

A​ ​hole​ ​with​ ​scars​ ​and​ ​cuts.

Blade​ ​of​ ​a​ ​new​ ​pencil​ ​sharpener.

Blunt​ ​end​ ​of​ ​a​ ​pocket​ ​knife.

Broken​ ​glass​ ​found​ ​on​ ​the​ ​street.

Deep,​ ​shallow.​ ​Thick,​ ​thin.​ ​Scars,​ ​cut.

She​ ​was​ ​scared​ ​at​ ​first​ ​cut.

But​ ​she​ ​soon​ ​realized​ ​it​ ​helped,

She​ ​was​ ​able​ ​to​ ​numb​ ​pain.

She​ ​numbed​ ​the​ ​emotional​ ​daily​ ​pain.

The​ ​lies​ ​her​ ​brain​ ​would​ ​tell.

The​ ​stories​ ​her​ ​thoughts​ ​would​ ​create.

The​ ​whispers​ ​her​ ​ears​ ​would​ ​hear.

The​ ​other’s​ ​thoughts​ ​she’d​ ​listen​ ​to.

She​ ​was​ ​able​ ​to​ ​numb​ ​pain.

Easy​ ​to​ ​numb​ ​emotional​ ​pain,​ ​also,

Easy​ ​to​ ​numb​ ​the​ ​mental​ ​pain.

She​ ​numbed​ ​the​ ​mental​ ​daily​ ​pain.

The​ ​thoughts​ ​her​ ​mind​ ​would​ ​explore.

The​ ​images​ ​her​ ​imagination​ ​would​ ​create.

The​ ​dreams​ ​her​ ​sleep​ ​would​ ​show.

The​ ​ideas​ ​her​ ​brain​ ​would​ ​brainstorm.

Her​ ​small​ ​shards​ ​of​ ​broken​ ​glass,

Her​ ​sharp​ ​blade​ ​of​ ​pencil​ ​sharpeners,

Her​ ​dull​ ​blade​ ​of​ ​pocket​ ​knife.

To​ ​quiet​ ​her​ ​brain,​ ​thoughts,​ ​ears,

Her​ ​mind,​ ​imagination,​ ​and​ ​sleep.

She’d​ ​guide​ ​the​ ​blade,​ ​glass,​ ​knife

Across​ ​her​ ​arm​ ​and​ ​push​ ​down.

Looking​ ​for​ ​broken​ ​skin​ ​and​ ​blood.

The​ ​cuts​ ​hurt​ ​her​ ​at​ ​first,

But​ ​then​ ​became​ ​a​ ​tickle​ ​sensation.

Then​ ​became​ ​a​ ​numb​ ​gliding​ ​feeling.

Middle​ ​school​ ​girl​ ​became​ ​broken​ ​glass.

Glass​ ​she​ ​became​ ​behind​ ​her​ ​school,

Along​ ​the​ ​ground​ ​mixed​ ​in​ ​blood.

Unclean,​ ​broken​ ​shards​ ​of​ ​glass.

Raggedy,​ ​broken,​ ​torn​ ​fresh​ ​skin.

 

Childhood

She was a young, innocent child.

The whole world at her fingertips.

She’d be able to do anything

She’d want once she grew up.

He was a father figure, adult.

She was once his whole world.

He was someone she always respected.

He was someone she always loved.

She was sleeping in her bed,

Until one night he started visiting.

She was deep in her sleep.

She would be woken by touching.

He would come in and touch

In her bed, in surrounding darkness

He would rub her, kiss her.

He would grab her, abuse her.

She was sexually abused, alone, pained.

Nobody to turn to or help.

She didn’t know what to do.

She felt stuck, paralyzed, and broken.

He kept secrets, so did she.

Money and fear kept her quiet.

He paid for toys, books, clothing.

He hurt her body and mind.

She could get all the books.

Wear all the newest fashion styles,

She played with all the toys.

She got everything she asked for.

He didn’t want anyone to know,

Secrets he withheld from everyone possible.

He only told his little girl.

He didn’t care about her pain.

She carried his heavy secret alongside,

The secret weight thousands of pounds.

She couldn’t carry the secret anymore.

She couldn’t drop down from exhaustion.

He burdened her with him secret.

A secret he couldn’t have kept.

He would scare her into silence.

He would punch, choke, and slap.

She would cower, choke, and weep.

His hands were like sharp steal.

She would watch her skin swell.

She would wear marks and bruises.

He would make her body flinch.

One way or another, she’s silent.

He would hit her or touch.

He always stayed with her body.

She wanted to stop being strong.

To finally be able to drop,

She wanted to take a break,

She wanted to get some help.

They came on Saturday to help.

She was free, he was stopped.

They came to relieve her pain.

They came to help a child.