Tag Archives: depress

Questions for him

  • why did you do it? was it because I wasn’t your biological daughter? or
  • did you ever think how it would affect me?
  • did you think that I wouldn’t eventually tell someone?
  • what were your thoughts when you decided to come into my bedroom? did you even think about me and my feelings?
  • how is it that you only got 6 months? is that why you admitted to what you did? so that you would get off easier?  do you really think my childhood is only worth 6 months in jail?
  • what made you think it was “okay” to write me while you were in jail for what you did to me?
  • how could you do that to me, to a girl under your care?
  • I don’t understand how someone can do that to someone they say they “love”, please explain it to me.
  • what went through your mind while you were sneaking into my bedroom?
  • what made you start doing it? what has you so fucked up in the head that you could do that to a little girl who you were suppose to protect?
  • how could you put your hands on me? not just sexually, but also physically? how could you put your hand on my throat and lift me off the floor?

 

my life now, is a mess, every relationship I’ve been in has been wrecked by you and what you did to me. now I’m not comfortable with my body anymore or my sexual needs. it’s hard for me to be able to connect with someone on a intimate level. I can’t find anyone to talk to whom understands what I’ve been through and knows how to help me deal with the thoughts I’m always having daily.

I’m unable to feel confident with my body anymore. even after all these years you still have your tight grip around my throat. I have marks along my skin that have been put there by the dreams that you are in. when I’m finally able to get into a deep enough sleep that I can dream, there you always are waiting for me, to hurt me more then you could. it’s hard for me to actually wake up and escape your grasp.

the little girl I once was doesn’t exist, I don’t know who she is except for a little girl who needed her dad that was nowhere to be found. I was left with a monster to deal with everyday, I was actually afraid to go home after school because I knew that you would be there waiting for me. I don’t understand how you can do that to someone for so long, someone who you’re suppose to protect and take care of.

people always say “time heals all wounds” it’s been 7 years and I still don’t feel healed, yes I can talk about it to anyone, mainly because I’m used to it. I’m not ashamed this happened to me, I’m not embarrassed, I’m not shy about it; but I am angry, hurt, and upset. I’m really hoping one day I can forget.